When You Have Coitus with a Friend…

Sex with a friend is always better than with a random hook up from the bars in Vegas.

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Who doesn't want to know if his penis could just stretch and that's why Sue stayed around?

Granted, I met Mr. Fantastic through Tinder, but I felt an instant connection with him. It didn’t take long after matching that we went to texting. I was smitten with his personality, the thirst was real with his body, and I was weak in the knees when it came to his skills in bed. 

When I matched with Mr. Fantastic, it was the Monday before New Year’s. He lives in another city, but had been staying in my city to recover from a basketball injury that resulted in him being on crutches. What can I say, I love a logistical challenge in the bedroom. His demeanor while texting was like a breath of fresh air; but I know from past experiences that men will say and do whatever to have heir penis in a mouth. Mr. Fantastic was an educated professional that was well versed in almost every topic we started. He was in his early 30s, divorced, and completely ok with my situation and even encouraged me to wear my rings when we were together. Not too many of my bed buddies encouraged that, let alone were ok with it. He was maybe a tad taller than me, brown curly hair that I overly enjoyed, brown eyes, soft lips, glasses that he removed before sex, and olive colored skin.

When I invited Mr. Fantastic over a day after meeting him, it didn’t take long for us to not only get intimate in the bedroom, but we felt really at ease with each other. We laid on my bed because my couch is literally a hell hole of discomfort. It didn’t take long before I pulled him, messed up knee and all, to be partially on me as we made out; his hands gripping my curves, and his lips caressing mine. While most people in extreme make-out mode can strip clothes away without thinking about the logistics, we couldn’t. It took Mr. Fantastic quite some time to undress; he had his knee brace and about 15 layers of clothes on. He took multiple layers off at a time while I was in socks, leggings, an adorable bra, tank, and a button up shirt. Mr. Fantastic quickly noticed that I was lacking panties and was thoroughly impressed. 

Because of his bum knee, he couldn’t do everything he wanted to do without assistance. Cue the assist award presented to The Daring Vagi

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I've always wanted an award for my sex skills!

na!

After giving Mr. Fantastic oral, he really wanted to go down on me. But because of his knee, he couldn’t really get situated on my bed without putting unwanted pressure on his knee. I carried a chair from my dinning room table to the foot of the bed so Mr. Fantastic could sit in the chair while I brought my hips up to him. While this sounds like the greatest idea ever, have you guys met/read about me? I am not graceful. period. I kept feeling like my ass was going to fall off the bed (I was sitting on the corner edge of the mattress) and my whole attention was focused on not falling, making it almost impossible to relax enough to enjo

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This was going to be me, but naked, younger, and with more frantic arm waves

y it.

After a few moments, he asked me where my vibrator was. I pointed behind me to the bedside table. Mr. Fantastic told me to go get it. I awkwardly got off the bed (we’re talking some fancy moves that almost landed me face first on the ground), and retrieved my toy, only to need to position my vagina on a silver platter again. It honestly didn’t take long (in Daring Vagina time) for me to cum. I came with my vibrator on my clit and his mouth buried in Catherine. I laid there pretty motionless; my legs were jelly and I barely made it out of that position without collapsing on the floor.

Mr. Fantastic brought condoms with him, like a normal person, and also coconut oil. I had no idea men put lube on before a condom. Maybe this is a phase I was never introduced to, but it definitely did the trick for him. Because of his knee, there weren’t too many positions to choose from. However, my favorite was him standing with crutches while I either laid over the bed, or on top of the bed. Fucking Mr. Fantastic with him calling my name out in a passion filled voice was more than enough to send goosebumps over my body. After cumming, he not only cuddled with me, but he didn’t take long to recharge his battery. He came twice in me, and once in my mouth while I came twice overall. An afternoon of not only fucking but fun pillow talk was an afternoon well spent.

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We planned, because he has not only physical therapy but a more time consuming job, our next encounter to be the following Tuesday. Aka, the same day I got a message to see Fickle Daddy. I honestly had maybe 45 minutes between them. I cleaned myself enough and even used my reusable douche to make sure I was perfect. As I was brushing my teeth, he let me know he was there. Before we even got undressed or made out, I already brought the chair into the bedroom for him to use (I’m a planner.) I asked how his week and his new year’s eve was, and that’s when he told me a woman forced a blow job on him. Being me, and knowing about blow jobs, you can’t force a man into one, let alone make him cum, without him wanting it. While I had nowhere to judge him having sex with someone else, I didn’t confess to West Point or Fickle Daddy being around, especially how I just had a penis in me right before he came over. It took me all of 5 minutes once I was with Mr. Fantastic to not concern myself with anything other than him. He is really good with his hands.

To his credit, he’s wonderful in bed; his penis isn’t the thickness I necessarily want, but his length was great for my deep throat skills. Making out with Mr. Fantastic was b, indeed, fantastic. He cupped my breasts, grabbed my hips, and when I was topless he was all over my breasts and nipples. Sadly, he wasn’t able to spend as much time with me like before, so the pre chatter was short. Like the first time, he wanted to eat me out again, but I stopped him before I came so he could fuck me. I’ve learned from my own experiences that asking/begging a man to fuck you or cum for you will result in that happening. That doesn’t happen when you ask for them to bring their own condoms 75% of the time. But of course, he was prepared like a boy scout–red condoms and coconut oil. We both came twice, and I was all over how much I enjoyed fucking him that I told myself I’d be better at dropping hints that I fucked someone recently, or literally right before he came over.

I definitely saw Mr. Fantastic again. Multiple times in January to be exact, and in February.

Lessons learned: men in their 30s are gradually becoming my new favorites; they know that you need to give to receive, and they don’t ask dumb questions about my situation. If you want someone to assume that you’re looking outside of your relationship because your “bf has a small dick,” just tell almost any 20 something you’re looking for a fuck buddy.

Sincerely,
The Daring Vagina

Replacing Tony Stark

For those of you that know, Tony Stark is my great white buffalo, or basically the one that got away.

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We all have that one Great White Buffalo

I mentally know I could never replace what I had with anyone sexually, but my vagina doesn’t know that. Catherine is a needy princess that wants someone to treat her how Tony Start did; not just with amazing sex, but I wanted a man to take on that Dominant Daddy to my little girl (or DD/lg for those in the know.)

I met Fickle Daddy on Tinder before Christmas; my partner was out of town and I had just recently rejoined the Tinder world. I matched with Fickle Daddy (FD) early Monday morning and we talked all day–literally all day–and being lonely and overly horny made me want to speed up the whole interview process. While talking to FD, we talked about fantasies and I went on a tangent on how much I love the DD/lg relationship. Needless to say, he was more than intrigued. While at work, he looked up what seemed to be everything to deal with DD/lg. I have never met someone so excited about what thrills me the most in bed. Having no one to come home to (other than my dog), I invited FD to have drinks with me. FD was upfront beforehand that he didn’t have money for drinks, and I had no problem being the sugar mama for happy hour. 

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Just call me Mama Warbucks

We met at a hole in the wall Mexican restaurant where I became very aware that he honestly was out of my league. Aperiodic Daddy was 23 (almost 5 years my junior), tall (over 6’3), brown hair and eyes, incredibly lanky, and with exciting facial hair. I wasn’t expecting someone his age to have his life so put together (besides having no money for drinks, but a steady job and goals more than makes up for that.) With my experience, most men under 25 that say they’re on board with a friends with benefits situation is because they don’t want to date; FD didn’t want to have trust issues after his last relationship, which I was incredibly sympathetic to. I don’t want a side boyfriend; it’s enough work to make my partner happy, I don’t have enough emotional energy for a boyfriend. 

Back to the story!

FD was more than charming and captivating; he was exactly what I wanted in my bed that night. However, a volleyball game stood between me and fucking him, and not just any game, but a tournament. I convinced him to come home with me, let me change, and come to my game. Long story short, I threw that volleyball game and didn’t try to save the baddies and their horrible play. I have no guilty conscious over it; my good teammates weren’t even there, so my level of care was a zero. Aperiodic Daddy did enjoy the volleyball shorts, though. Once in my house, I went to take a shower and invited AD to join me. He suggested a bath, so I filled the bathtub. Have I mentioned that I’m a casually a bit bigger? Like, a size 18 women’s in US, which means I have huge thunder thighs, a big ass, and fabulous boobs. Well, the comical way of getting into a standard tub together caused me to get a fun scratch on my back.

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Just let me take this whole bath alone. Will take pointers

We eventually settled on a shower together. He was incredibly touchy feely, and I loved it. FD alternated between giving attention to each of my boobs, sucking on them while the water ran down my head. Hottest. Shower. Ever. It took convincing to get AD out of the shower, but once he was, we made out like teenagers in bed. Granted, he was fairly close to being a teenager, but that’s just a coincidence. 

Fickle Daddy is an amazing kisser; he was tender, caressing, and used his hands like the most experienced lover. I was beside myself with how wonderful he was. When he had enough of making out, FD said “I can’t stand it anymore,” and climbed on top of me after putting on a condom. His cock was thick in all the right places, and a perfect to me 7 inches. It was heaven having him inside of me; I was in ecstasy without even needing to cum. We changed positions regularly until he said he needed to stop because he was light headed. FD had mentioned earlier that he was hypoglycemic, and then told me he hadn’t eaten since lunch. Being the incredibly caring individual I am, I made him lay down and immediately went into nurturing mode. I not only brought him food, I made him eat it, feeding it to him in the most adorable way possible. While he was recuperating, we watched a movie on Netflix, and I casually led a trail of kisses up and down his forearm and his shoulder. FD let me know I was turning him on by not only calling me “little one,” but by pulling me on top of him. I teased him more by leaving a trail of kisses down his chest and then finally showcasing my lack of gag reflex for him. He complimented me before pulling me up to him, taking my chin in his hand, kissing me deeply as he positioned himself between my legs. 

While I never came with him, I had never felt so cared for during sex in such a long time. FD cuddled with me with no intention of wanting more sex, but because that’s what a good daddy does to his little girl. I spent the next two hours cuddling with him, leaving me wanting even more. We made plans to meet the next night. It didn’t happen, sadly. I was honestly saddened by it; not because I missed the sex, but because I missed that intimacy level with someone. 

FD then disappeared. Granted, it was christmas, but texting someone back isn’t that time consumming. So, I moved on (as we can read with West Point.) I did see him again two weeks later, very unexpectdly. FD texted me the Tuesday after seeing West Point (and literally mere hours before I was to meet someone else) about being in the area. He found my place without my help, and it didn’t take him long, like before, to say that our making out in bed led him to “I can’t take this anymore” and kissed me passionately as he entered me. It was quick, but we both were on a time crunch. He only had one in him that afternoon, but he had no time constraint on kissing or cuddling with me. FD would tenderly kiss my head while pulling me closer to him. We watched did the reverse of Netflix and chill where Netflix came after sex.

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When he had to leave, I dressed in my sleep clothes so that once he left I could clean myself up better before my next guest of the day came over.

Lesson learned: why can’t I find a dominant daddy that has more time for me, and specifically Catherine? Also, always have snacks for the hypoglycemic lover.

Sincerely,

The Daring Vagina

How Stella Got Her Groove Back

Well, I’m not dead, pregnant, or carrying a new strain of chlamydia, so that’s something.

I’ve not only been absent writing, but I haven’t really had men between my legs in forever. Forever to me is over a month.

That changed Friday night.

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It was almost exactly like this. Except I'm not fit, black, or able to dance.

While I want to tell the good and bad stories about my sex life (because I have awesome tales), I need to be present in writing as I am with life. Deep, right? Only a randomly generated e-mail from Twitter on suggestions for who you should follow listing two men you were all head over heels for can make a girl take out a box of wine and cry over horribly filtered instagram photos that showed up on Twitter….Anyways. It doesn’t matter who these men are, but I realized that I need to not live so much in the past or worry so much about 5 years from now.

Over two months ago I made the greatest decision ever: take out my IUD. I had only had it for two years, but in those two years I was always feeling self conscious about accidental bleeding after sex. It happened so often that I would warn men that there was most likely going to be blood after sex. Two men really got off to role playing I was their naughty little virgin girl. Cool story, until it was acted out. At the beginning of July I had the “longest strings” of an iud professionally unlodged from the lining of my uterus. Cramps. All. Damn. Day. I was already taking the pill and thought I was good to go. Guess who is super emotional during her period while on the pill? This girl. So, I’m back to my dear friend, the robot vagina ring; Nuva Ring.

I am finally set on family planning for Catherine and I. Aka, no family.

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Fuck you, baby

So, how did the Daring Vagina get her groove back? By fucking the most generous lover, Lil Houston Boyfriend. (He’s “lil” because there is a “big” that I’ll eventually touch on. One day.)

It wasn’t LHB’s first rodeo with me, but it was the first one blood free with him. For being 21 (that’s right, he’s an inexperienced, hot, eager to please, swimmer’s bod type of guy), he was and is perfect for me. We met in May and both of us love the exclusivity and ability to not over think our fwb relationship. I’ll eventually write about how we met and all that, but, living in the present.

I had a volunteer event Saturday and decided I could come in the night before if LHB wanted to meet up for a night of fun and to test my robot vagina ring out. I had a work event Friday with dogs, and once I was done, I booked it there. Or close enough to that. Never had I been so sleepy; I struggled to get the gasoline nozzle to fit in this Focus, so I smelt of gasoline from spilling it on me, I hadn’t been eating or drinking anything during the day, and seeing people for work exhausts me. Telling Lil Houston Boyfriend I needed caffeine, he offered to bring me an energy drink. When I finally saw him at 11:30–after two showers that wouldn’t get all of the gasoline smell off–I don’t know if I was more excited for sex or the energy drink.

LHB is in charge of the music for our time together; his taste is interesting compared to mine. There is more R&B and electronic music, but honestly I love knowing he has a playlist called “Houston Girlfriend” that I can play. Much like every memorable time with Lil Houston Boyfriend, we had about 25 minutes of devoted foreplay. This includes kissing, heavy petting, and teasing. This does not include his historical, record holding time between my legs with just his mouth. He knows I can’t cum from oral, but if the good Lord gives your partner a love of licking pussy, you let that man do the alphabet ten plus times on your clit. He isn’t just attentive to Catherine, but he lightly bites at my inner thighs and loves when I grab on the back of his head when he’s doing a fantastic job. At this point, I was completely naked while he had his plaid boxers on. He kissed his way up to my lips so I could taste myself on his tongue still.

And this is when the teasing from hell began.

While still wearing his boxers, he thrusted his hips slowly into me just enough that I could feel how hard he was and so the head of his cock could tease my clit. I wiggled enough under him, scratching up his back like a feral cat in heat, that he finally pinned me under him. I constantly moaned; I wanted–nay, I needed his cock in me immediately. I pushed my hips up into him, causing his boxers to become soaked because of Catherine’s excitement. I pulled on his bottom lip excessively, causing him to look down at me and my pleading eyes. Knowing it isn’t nice to over tease me, he got off me and slid out of his boxers. I pushed him to lay down on his back as I made my way down to his cock.

Not to be greedy from earlier, I happily went down on him. LHB is not only a tall ginger, he’s slim, carries his 6 pack well, and his cock is near perfect for me; it’s too long for me to deepthroat without practice and thick enough that it feels amazing when he first enters me. LHB isn’t very aggressive or firm in bed, but he will hold onto my hair when I give him head. I concentrated first on just the head–I teased with just the tip of my tongue before sucking on it. I am rarely ever comfortable enough to look a man in the eyes while giving head, but I do for LHB; it’s fulfilling to see his eyes roll to the back of his head and hear him tell me “that feels so good” or “that’s amazing.” What can I say, I’m an only child and I love praise.

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Hells yes I do

It didn’t take long before Lil Houston Boyfriend was ready; after letting his cock fall out of my mouth, he lightly pulled me up to him while leaning forwards to kiss me. I laid down next to him, continuing to kiss him while he got on top of me. He teased both sets of my lips as I pushed my hips up into his. I moaned into his mouth as he entered me. Did I mention it had been awhile since I had a penis in me? It was amazing. With how wet I was, he was able to push inside me as far as he could and filled Catherine. Dare I say again, it was amazing. He started out slow and built up speed, thrust length, and the overall intensity of it while in missionary. He moved my legs around to get different angles, and I scratched his back like no one’s business when I could.

Wanting to try a new position for us, he went with something like the pretzel dip.

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Paint me like one of your French girls!...with orange as the only color used.

He didn’t last that long before wanting to move to another position. Asking me to scoot to the bed, I figured he was ready to cum. So, after my ten scooting fails led to me standing up so I could sit on the edge of the bed, I asked him to get my vibrator for me. I have never actually cum at the same time as a man. First time for everything! I told LHB I was going to cum, and he met my orgasm with his own. After resting for a minute I got up; it took not even two minutes of standing to feel all the cum dripping down my thighs.

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At least there wasn’t blood.

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Thank goodness I didn't have to make this cake for the 70th time.

After a quick shower, I joined him in bed . It was only shy of 3am. Once getting in bed, I sighed and told him we didn’t cuddle, to which he replied by pulling me close with his arm, kissing my temple. LHB is a rare breed. He doesn’t even mind my sleeping habits, especially when I violently kick off sheets every couple of hours because I don’t realize I have a bed buddy. I had a restless night, so every 90 minutes or so I’d wake up, kick blankets off, realize I had a bed buddy, pull them back up, and casually snuggle with him. At about 7:30, I was half awake while Lil Houston Boyfriend was fully awake and obviously horny. It didn’t take long before he was playing with my clit to get me wet. To summarize: I had amazing morning sex that led to a hungry bed partner.

We enjoyed breakfast and then parted ways. But not forever; I feel as though my shy bed buddy isn’t really done with me yet.

Sincerely,

The Daring Vagina

Sin City Part 3: The Brazilian

I slept wonderfully after having sex with two different men (with wildly different takes on sex), and I started the morning off again on Tinder, swiping my morning away. Though, I must say, it’s a bitch on your phone if you don’t pay for the WiFi while in Vegas; you’re fighting for signal and it takes so much longer to get a location and everything else that comes with Tinder. I had breakfast with my mother and my aunt (she joined us in the morning thanks to shitty flights), and I continued to swipe and message random men. I matched with two men that caught my eye; both were foreigners, and devilishly handsome. Cue the sucket list!

The first one I talked to was The Brazilian. The Brazilian was, obviously, from Brazil. While playing video black jack and poker I chatted with him. Still on my World Cup anticipation high, I asked him about soccer (or futbol) and he went off on how watching it live was an unbelievable experience, especially on the international level. The Brazilian asked if I wanted to meet up, and I obviously was down to fuck my first foreigner; my companions wanted to play some slot machines so I pretended to keep playing and mentioned I was going to watch some sports (it wasn’t football season, so neither knew nor cared about sports.) Once I figured I was in the clear, I headed to the hotel next door since The Brazilian was conveniently staying there.

I had stayed at that hotel twice and each time I regretted it. But, because I was familiar with the layout, I easily found the elevators to his room. I hadn’t been drinking enough apparently; my butterflies were sky rocket high and causing my palms to become sweaty. Taking a deep breath I knocked on his door. I didn’t know what to expect, but when he answered I was more than happy with what I saw.

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This isn't him, but basically....yeah. This was basically him. Swooooon

He was all smiles in his striped tank top and shorts when he opened the door. Besides his slightly smaller frame (including height), The Brazilian was perfect physically; he had muscles, black hair, dark eyes, tattoos and beautiful skin that made me look pasty pale. He invited me into his room and I wasn’t impressed with the hotel–just as I expected; it was a full size bed with a 1990s style television. The bed was dwarfed by the sheer amount of empty space on either side, where The Brazilian had his and his roommate’s things scattered (beer, suitcases, some clothing items.) His accent alone made me wet; his English wasn’t astounding, but hot damn was I ready thanks to those dimples and accent.

He asked me to sit on his sloppily made bed (I’m guessing housekeeping hadn’t come by), and it was almost instantaneous that his hands were gently cupping my face as he leaned down to kiss me. His lips then slowly moved to kiss down my neck until he got to my top’s neckline; he then repeated the process going up to the other side of my neck, gently tugging at my ear lobe. I was in heaven, y’all. This southern bell found someone even more southern to woe her. It didn’t take long until he asked if he could remove my top. When I went to do it he shook his head and motioned that I lift my arms straight up. Passionately kissing me as he leaned forward, his hands artfully un-hooked and removed my bra as his mouth moved lower. His light and feather like kisses, and gentle touches set my body on high alert and almost anything he did to me caused goosebumps to spread like wildfire. I obliged his next request to lay down after he whispered it into my ear; I moved to position myself better on the bed. After he removed my shorts and slightly cute panties, he literally made out with my pussy. He nibbled on my clit, he teased my holes, he licked my freshly shaved lips, and he wrapped his arms around my thighs to pull into me.

The Brazilian mumbled something slightly audible into my thigh in between kisses. I asked him what he had said and before answering me, he buried his face into my pussy to suck on my clit then looked up at me to say: I love big women. This is when I normally dry up and stop any sort of romantic involvement; I am way too into myself to let someone tell me that. However, he was fan-fucking-tastic and I wanted to see what else he had up his sleeves. Or more accurately, in his shorts. He started to stealthily take his clothes off, basically becoming a sex ninja. When I saw his penis I wasn’t unimpressed, I just wasn’t super pumped. It was probably average size and a bit over 5 1/2 inches. He was about to put a condom on and I stopped him I’m his tracks as I quickly, but not that gracefully, got up from my back to suck his cock. It didn’t take long before he wanted me to back off. He couldn’t even describe it in English, The Brazilian used Spanish on me. It was pretty damn hot.

I asked how he wanted to fuck me and he responded that he wanted me on my back. He didn’t have the perfect for me cock, but he knew how to pump away at a girl and I was in heaven. The Brazilian repeated into my ear that he loved my fat and that I was bigger. I literally couldn’t handle it mentally, but Catherine was so into it, how could I deny her? It didn’t take long before he came; he kissed me sweetly right before, during, and after he came. He thanked me before I could even thank him. The man was stealing my own material. He kissed down from my lips to my thighs again as he slid off the bed onto his feet. Almost immediately, he started getting dressed, and feeling weird that I was getting kicked out quickly again, I asked to clean myself off quickly. The Brazilian smiled and told me to relax on the bed for a bit. After a few moments of small talk, he told me which towels to use and I did. Have I ever mentioned I hate white towels and bedding? Because I really do. I noticed blood when I was cleaning myself and I paled–I didn’t even look like me when I looked in the mirror. It wasn’t much but enough to make me uncomfortable about my vagina and how much I hate having an IUD.

I shook off the spotting and quickly dressed, fixing my hair in the mirror as we chatted a bit more. The Brazilian was on his way to meet up with his friends farther down the strip; three were filming a fourth that was in the poker tournament over at a fancy casino. I was about to make my grand exit when The Brazilian told me to wait so he could walk down with me. Once we exited the room, he immediately wrapped his arm around my waist. He walked me to the elevator, kissing the top of my head in almost a loving manner. Slightly different than my normal one night stands, but there’s a first time for everything, right? We rode the elevator down like two very happy and almost in love people.

As we walked, slowly I might add, out of the casino, The Brazilian told me about how he planned on going to school in the US to work on his English. I blurted out , Let’s be friends and I’ll help you with your English! Yeah…I’m not awkward or anything. At least he laughed it off, showing off his beautiful smile in the process. I inwardly sighed because I knew we were almost to my hotel. I told him we were at my hotel. He kissed my forehead again as he pulled me in close, his lips moving to mine while his hands moved to gently cup my face. I secretly didn’t want this moment to end; I pulled him close to kiss him one last time.

Before parting ways, I told him to let me know if he wanted to meet up again. As he smiled at me, he told me he would. I later on messaged with him a bit because, honestly, fucking him was downright amazing. He didn’t try to chew my nipples off, which was a first for me. Normally men are all over them, but he wasn’t, especially for liking “bigger girls.” He actually unmatched me after our conversation. I won’t lie, Catherine was super sad, and the Daring Vagina was left with at least one superbly amazing experience.

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Yeah, he had a fun name too. Also, I'm "incredible," so screw you guys that say I'm not!

Lessons learned: We all need to fuck Brazilian men who have their shit together. Especially when they know what to do.

Sincerely,

The Daring Vagina

Sin City Part 1: The Return to Familiarity, or How I Earned My Way to the Airport

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Oh hell yes, monster wang!

As mentioned before, I had masterminded an AMAZING craigslist ad but awkward experience that made me feel like I was back in the swing of things. Well, back to familiarity at least. With any posting on craigslist, you receive some losers, some “meh” responses (“R u real?”), winners (able to string thoughts together and responded with what I wanted), and my favorite–the repeat replying men. Sometimes, they’re losers, but sometimes they happen to be people I’ve slept with (I have to admit, it’s happened a few times.) For those that have followed my blog since the beginning, you might remember The Joker. How did he wind up in my bed?…again? He replied to my ad with his picture and a short description (just like the first time) that really is eye catching. I was in a, don’t fuck with me since I’m basically the greatest thing to happen to you in the bedroom, type of mood and responded to his email with:

We’ve fucked before. You stopped texting me. I think I’m good.

He instantly replied to my email and asked if I was me (by name I might add), and I was standoff Daring Vagina for multiple responses, until I remembered that he had amazing stamina, and his cock was pretty fucking phenomenal to boot. Reason or sexual appetite? What is a girl to do? Get back on that cock, obviously. We texted (I still had and also still have his number), and he even mentioned he remembered where I lived–no address needed. I only felt slightly concerned over that fact, but he did come over a few times before, and even I remember how to get to places I’ve been to.

We played tag team on getting together; we had opposite open schedules for the most part (or I would have slept with him and called it a day.) I had taken off early from work for my Vegas trip and told him I had a window to meet up if he was available. The Joker jumped on it; he literally was so excited about it that he beat me to my place. I saw him him in his truck (he owns his own construction company and he’s built like a construction worker) and when I got out of my car I just gave him a look. The look of, are you that impatient and ready to fuck me? He got out of his truck and was all smiles with his amazing green eyes and his, what did I do?, facial expression. I just shook my head and told him my time frame for our rendezvous. He followed me up the stairs and replied with, you better be ready to start the minute the door closes. I stopped, turned to look at him with another look, and he responded by smacking my ass. Yes, I was completely ready to fuck him again.

After closing the door and locking it, The Joker immediately pinned me against the door, creating the feeling of a lust filled moment from a movie. He immediately started to undress me from my work clothes (I’m 95% sure it was slacks and a nice top with a cardigan with nothing remotely sexy underneath) and led me to the bedroom, leaving discarded clothes in our way. Once I was in just a bra and panties, he slowed down, leaving a trail of kisses down the side of my neck, biting at my clavical before picking me up (as well as he could, which was probably the greatest testament to me that I had lost weight) and tossing me on the bed. The Joker continued kissing down my stomach and once he was at the top of my panties, he pulled them off with his teeth. Once they were on the ground, the slow and tenderness of his touch had left, and the eagerness that I always associated with The Joker returned. He pulled me at my hips until I was on the edge of the bed, knealed down and then spread my legs apart as he furiously licked from my clit to my ass. It didn’t take long before I told him I needed to suck his cock; he stood up as I slid off the bed and onto the floor. It was like fitting your feet into your favorite brand of shoes; the taste, texture and feel of his cock in my mouth and in my hands was refreshing and perhaps a perfect fit. He moaned out my name each time I did my best to take his cock down my throat–it was the best type of praise. It didn’t take long before he told me to lay on the bed.

He slowly pushed his whole 8+ cock into me as he nibbled on my ear. I was in ecstasy; he obviously remembered my weaknesses and my wants while under him. The Joker slowly got rougher with his thrusts, pushing my legs farther back. I had no idea I was so flexible until my legs were so far stretched that I had my knees by my ears. It didn’t take long before he came the first time. The Joker always came hard and loud; he grunted as he slammed into me. He slowed down a bit to regain his hard on and asked how I wanted to be fucked. He hadn’t fucked me since I knew my combo to orgasm success. I told him I wanted to be fucked doggy, vibrator on my clit and his thumb in my ass. Grinning from ear to ear, he kissed me like a dying man as he pulled out of me. He easily helped me flip onto all fours (by physically flipping my hips and moving me into the position) while I looked for my vibrator next to my bed. Once found, I placed it between my legs and smiled into the pillow my face was smashed into. After a few good thrusts, he pulled on my hair to lift my face out of the pillow with one hand and his other hand cupped my face, his thumb at my lips. He didn’t have to ask, I instinctively put his thumb in my mouth happily. The Joker took his thumb back, calling me a good girl in the process. Once his thumb started its assault on my eager asshole, my vibrator went to work and it took little to nothing before I came on his cock. At least I have that down. He let out the most masculine grunt as he rammed his cock into me, cumming a second time.

Trying to catch my breath and not look as flushed as I was, I told him I needed a minute. He happily laid down next to me, grinning his adorable smile at me. I smiled back, my hair a complete mess around my face. “Hi,” was all he said, causing me to erupt in laughter. I replied with, Really? Hi? That’s all I get?, which caused him to also laugh. I finally regained movement in my legs, cuddling up to him.

The Joker stroked my body all over, creating goosebumps everywhere that could possibly have one.

I noticed his watch and asked the time. When he told me, I groaned. He gave me a puzzled look, so I told him I needed to call a cab since no one could take me to the airport. Without missing a beat, he replied that he would take me. I quizzically asked if he was sure, to which he replied that if it meant a third time he was very sure.

One more round later and we took a quick shower together; quick wash but no hair. Taking that sex hair on the road! Well, on the air. Once we were both dressed and ready, he carried my suitcase to his truck, opened my door and happily helped me into the truck. We conversed in small talk the whole way there, while he instinctively held my hand when I placed it down. I thanked him again for taking me; he said he was happy to take me. Once we were at the airport he realized he left his sunglasses at my place. Knowing my situation, he asked if it was ok. I shrugged and said I would figure a great excuse if needed. After helping me with my suitcase, he kissed me, and told me to get into trouble and let him know if I had the best sex ever while there.

Lesson learned: sex always gets better with practice.

If only I knew how much amazing sex I’d be having after him…until the next entry…

Sincerely,
The Daring Vagina

Side note:
After my trip, I saw him two more times. He literally outlasted me and I had to tell him I couldn’t go anymore. That had never happened before to me. I pride myself on my stamina and he is way more insatiable than me by a long shot. Sadly, like before he vanished without warning. Amazing sex at least. It’s not everyday I find someone that loves to fuck me and has loads more experience than me, and not just in numbers.

Barry Allen; The Return of Familiarity

We all like to return to what we know; Kotter returned to his alma mater, Brett Favre and Michael Jordan decided they weren’t really retired, and politicians like to keep trying for greatness (and failing–good job, Romney.)

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How'd I feel about returning to my alma mater too.

I returned to posting on Craigslist for a steady fwb after almost two months of being focused on other avenues (The Tinder.) I was upfront and honest about my situation and what I wanted; honesty gets you what you want or helps end something before disappointment and heartbreak can set in. From this posting, I met two men. One I have an actual friendship with currently, and the was, well, out in a flash.

The Flash was upfront, in a sense, of saying what he wanted; he worked in the oil fields and didn’t mind my situation. Score one for me! Seeming genuine, I had no problem moving to text with him. The Flash wanted to meet up that day since he was going out to work the next day for a week. I was horny enough that I was willing to leave work early and take my chances on him. Leading up to this decision, the Flash and I talked on the phone; his voice was that of a smooth jazz operator, and how could I resist? Describing in detail what he wanted to do to me, I was all but using my vibrator at work.

I left work early, drove home, cleaned my apartment up and waited. I was debating an early orgasm when he texted me that he was there. When I opened the door I was slightly disappointed; he was way thinner than I thought, long dirty blonde hair that was in a ponytail, a douche like goatee, beautiful blue eyes, and was shorter than me. The shorter part doesn’t bother me, except when, you know, they lie about it and you can obviously tell. The Flash reeked of cheap cologne when he came in, making me create a mental note about spraying once he left. In the plastic bag that accompanied him, there was a box of condoms, and two water bottles. He opened one and started drinking it.

Several minutes of small talk later…

We were in my room when he practically lunged at me to kiss me. He was all over me like flies to honey, and I didn’t know how to respond; I reciprocated his kisses, but with less fervor. The Flash told me to strip from the waist down. Was it really going to happen? Was I going to get pampered? He had mentioned he would love to go down on me for HOURS. Not 10 minutes. HOURS. Catherine was not prepared for the attention she was going to receive.

So, for those of you that remember, and to help recap for those that don’t, I get turned on like a light switch. When I’m turned on, I’m also the wettest thing under the sea. The Flash was not mentally prepared for how wet Catherine was, nor was I prepared for the 30 minute long oral assault by his tongue. He had me lay on my back before burying himself between my thighs; his hands gripped around my thighs, his grip tightening when he was going for an emphasis on his oral abilities. I was thoroughly impressed by his ability to make my toes curl. He’d tongue my hole, and then play with my clit with his tongue, and then start over. Catherine had never been so wet and so pampered; it was a dream come true!

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Catherine was the happiest, wettest, and most pampered vagina...like an awesome bubble bath.

Apparently, my inability to cum frustrated The Flash; I asked if he’d fuck me, which he obliged to do after finding his condom. The sex wasn’t terrible, it just wasn’t memorable. I had a timer set for when he should leave (he said he didn’t want us to get too carried away), and he got nowhere near that. It was as if sex wasn’t actually his thing and oral was. This whole situation was a foreign concept to me; how could you not want to fuck me? Did I do something wrong? Self doubt all over this mother fucker.

When we switched to doggy, he “came” in maybe 3 minutes. Four minutes we’re really stretching it. I was slightly stunned; I didn’t think he would be that damn quick. He immediately got dressed and didn’t ask for a towel or anything. I quickly put my t-shirt on, dazed by the whole situation unfolding in front of me. Maybe I had done something wrong to cause him to be like, I’m done. After putting his boots on, I almost had to chase him down to escort him out my door. We kissed like awkward junior high kids and as he was walking out the door he leaned back in the door frame to say, “And that’s why they call me the flash.”

He hightailed it out of my place quicker than I could respond. Hopefully the look on my face was enough confusion for him, because I just stood there, in an oversized shirt, watching him skip down my staircase. I texted the Flash a few times after that. When I say “I texted,” I mean that no one responded to my “hey! That was fun! Let’s do it again soon?” texts. I texted him 3 times within a month; nothing overbearing like, “omg, I haven’t heard from you, why aren’t you texting me back, my vagina is crying!” But more along the lines of, “hey, hope all is well!”

I heard nothing back. Ever.

Lesson learned: Rushing into meeting someone will 9/10 times be a one night stand. Be prepared for that.

Sincerely,
The Daring Vagina

The End of Tony Stark

Tony Stark and I were legit friends, more so than Perfect Baggage and I ever were. Yet, with how things ended with Tony Stark, I felt worse than how it ended with Perfect Baggage.

Tony and I had gone to see American Hustle one time, after I drank more than normal, and didn’t even talk about sex. We talked about work, family things, and some nerdy things. Obviously all while I was coming off my buzzed high. We didn’t fool around in the theater because there were a lot of people there for a 10pm showing on a Tuesday, but oh well. It was fun being with him. In all honesty, I would have left my partner for him if I thought it would work out (and if he actually liked me that way.)

Tony Stark was beginning to be super busy again; he had a new job since February (I had taken him a picnic lunch in March sometime as well. Pretty fancy, I know.) By April, our time together was dwindling down to every 10 or so days. I was needy; having someone I don’t have to explain my combo to is priceless to me (especially since he discovered it with me.) He was the perfect bed buddy; pillow talk and texting were so much fun, and the sex was amazing. Oh, was the sex amazing for me; it was not a routine; even though we weren’t super position adventurous, I was so happy with the four or so we did.

I was pouting to him through text one day at work; I was super horny and I was having a terrible week. He normally can make time to see me to help me out. However, I pushed more than I should have; he broke it down to me that his life was too chaotic to see me more often and he couldn’t commit to seeing me anymore than he was. That was the last text I got from him. It probably didn’t help that I had accused him, as I always tended to do teasingly, of having someone else. It didn’t matter what I texted him after that, he never responded.

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Catherine is still sad

This was in mid-April. He’s never talked to me since then. He has, however, looked at my snapchats that were shared in the story section. I began to obsess; did he see my cute mirror selfie? No? Oh, he saw the one I posted of my cats…well, that’s cool. I have randomly texted him since then; nothing. Not like every day, but once every two months. I’ve given up now. It’s hard to replace someone like that, especially when it ends so abruptly. I was in shock for about a month. It didn’t help that I need validation that I did nothing wrong and sex helps fill that outlet.

Am I over Tony Stark? No, not really. Did I cry like a little girl when I got home from work? Not really. Was I numb? You betcha. Have I found other men that treat me amazing in bed? Eh…hit or miss. Will I be ok? Yes.

One positive out of this: I started my blog because of what happened. My past relationships weren’t special anymore. At least not then. Having Tony Stark dump me the way he did broke my heart, and not many things associated with love can actually break my heart.

Lesson learned: Does anyone know of someone like Tony Stark? I’d like another one of him. Curly haired too! Otherwise, ending a long term sexual relationship is never pretty.

Sincerely,
The Daring Vagina